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Bravado

There is a certain doctor appointment that every woman of childbearing age must suffer once a year. This has to happen regardless of the working order of her body. And once a year, every woman of childbearing age must answer the same question: Do you want to get pregnant this year?

Every year, this appointment creates a lot of stress for me because of that question. I realize that if PCOS has taught me anything, it is bravado. I spend most of the year doing my best to NOT long for another child; to be happy with the amazing family that God gave me; to be grateful for my blessings. I remind myself that only having one child has a lot of benefits: more savings, more sleep, more opportunities.

But every parent knows that those things are temporary and there will eventually come a time when you have plenty of savings, sleep, and opportunities. But by then you likely won’t be able to have a child.

It’s so easy for so many women to answer that question with a simple “yes”. I’ve learned better. The last time I said yes, I was reminded of painful shots that leave enormous bruises; of waxy medications that must be refrigerated and cost a fortune; of hormones that make the body and mind go crazy. Of the overall expense of such an endeavor.

So I say “no”.

No, I don’t want to go through the emotional rollercoaster of infertility. No, I don’t want to bankrupt my family because healthcare in this country is an industry, not a humane provision. No, I don’t want to have this conversation.

Then I have to say “yes”.

Yes, I understand that to get pregnant would actually endanger my health. Yes, write me a prescription for a pill that will treat my PCOS symptoms. Yes, I accept that this same pill will ensure that my infertile self does not get pregnant. Yes, I see the tragic irony in the situation.

Yes, I will work harder this year to keep my mask of bravado in place. Yes, I will try to remember that infertility does not mean that I’m a horrible person and God has abandoned me. Yes, I will see you the same time next year when we will do this all over again.

No, those aren’t tears. That’s the glue that holds my mask on seeping out around the edges.

Yes, I have to use a lot of glue.

Valentine's Crafts Ideas

I'm still in a knitting frenzy, though I have one piece to go before I plan to switch back  to sewing. In the meantime, it's time to think about Valentine's crafts for myself and the kiddo.

SuperMom has a great tutorial for making see-through Valentine's. Two options for changing- make them out of gauzy fabric that has to be cut to open, and I wonder if it's possible to simply iron the edges of the wax paper version.

We like to use our heart shaped silicone ice cube mold to make red glittery heart soaps. You can do it with crayons too.

I really like these hair clips

These conversation hearts would make great lavender sachets

We don't have any special plans (yet), and I'm not that great at sewing (obviously), but I recently found Dress a Day and am thinking about giving the whole dress remake thing a shot; maybe I'll end up with a cute dress for Vday. Maybe with a heart cutout in the back.

A quick Ravelry search brings up loads of Valentine-themed fiber arts. Then again, I might not be done knitting just yet...

Recouperating

That was a bumpy 6 months! I'm finally starting to recuperate, by which I mean that I have some free time and am using it. Mostly to craft....

To that end, I welcome you to look me up on Ravelry (Flaming Maiden). See you there!

Stolen Moments

The textbook project is nearing the end (that's my constant mantra anyway), and we are all rather burnt out on the topic. Just as I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, a new project is in the works. So really, it's like driving in the mountains; out of one tunnel, around a bend, and straight into the next tunnel. Mr. Flame is burning it up in his own career and I feel like we're in dueling career mode where we're both desperately trying to manage it all and waiting until we get even a small breather.

So I have started to realize just how much I miss my sewing machine and my knitting needles and have started stealing small moments with each. It might be as small as knitting two rounds on a sock cuff or adding two squares to the t-shirt quilt, but it's something...

I got to a good stopping point with job work at about 9 Saturday night. Then I picked up my PTA pile that has been staring me down for a couple of weeks. I finally finished that up at about 11:30 (this is all p.m.) and decided to spend a few minutes browsing some of my favorite blogs that I haven't looked at in months (FYI, the list to the right of this post has some really wonderful blogs, I recommend them all).

Over at House on Hill Road I read that the lovely Erin Harris has three sewing patterns in this month's Stitch magazine. That's great, thought I. As I scrolled through her post, I found that one of the patterns is this:

(That image is straight from House on Hill Road.com, I believe the picture was taken by Ms Harris of the magazine spread. Thanks to both Hill Road and Stitch.)

That, my lovelies, is a cowl that is constructed of silk, silk velvet, and flannel for the hidden warmth layer. Of course, being that I've been searching for a great cowl pattern for a long time, and being a big fan of House on Hill Road, I had to have it. Right now, thought I.

So on Sunday, the Little Flame and I packed ourselves off to Joann's fabrics. First I located a copy of the fall issue of Stitch. Then I located the pattern inside and made certain that I understood the directions. "What are you making me?" queried Little Flame. "This is for me", I happily replied, and I swear five women looked at me with approving smiles.

I had two problems from there: First, the two-color scheme isn't quite my style. Two, Joann's is not exactly a fabric selection Mecca (will somebody please bring back Baers?!). I had to get creative and I had to make do.
I ended up using velor and brocade (I did stick with the flannel lining). I think they turned out wonderfully:

This is a medium grey velor outer with a light grey and pink floral lining. I think it's a bit more stiff than Harris's silk on silk original, but I do love it. It is soft and pretty.

I love this combination, but couldn't settle for just one, so:

That's a dark purple outer with a super soft, super silky gold and dark purple lining. I made this one a bit larger than the pattern (the grey is on pattern). I added two inches to the width so that it comes down farther on my neck with the hood up; and added 4 inches to the length so as to maintain the pattern proportions.

The grey was done first and it took me about an hour start to finish. The purple I did the next day and it took me about 40 minutes including cutting time (I am not a good seamstress, nor am I quick). This pattern is super simple, it is explained well, and the results are fabulous. It's the perfect pattern for stealing just a small amount of sewing time because it is fast and the results are so wonderful. It has a high ROI ;)

Again, the pattern is by Erin Harris of House on Hill Road and it is published in the fall issue of Stitch magazine. Joann's only had a few left, so I suggest getting it fast if you want it.

Special thanks to my dear friend Abby Harvey for taking entirely decent pictures of my non-photogenic self. I think I just learned why my grandmother always told me not to put my hair behind my ears (lol).