Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Funny That

I went to visit my cousin and her new baby girl in the hospital today. As expected, it brought back my yearning for a baby.

Unexpectedly, it was not holding the baby that did it. Not snuggling the baby that did it. Not even the sweet siren song of those first couple days holed up in the hospital recreating your family that did it.

I am reminded of my yearning for a baby not because of the baby I visited, but because of what my cousin told me. That while she was in labor, riding to the hospital, with her bag of water leaking all over, she was on the phone with her big sister. And her big sister kept making her laugh.

I am reminded just how much I want that for Ezra. Someone to belong to.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Decision Making

Okay internet, I might need you to weigh in on this one. I am considering applying for a full-time job. Realistically, I don't have much chance of getting it. I have the minimum requirements and not much else. But it's a great job. I'd love to have it.

The problem is, I don't know that my clan is ready for me to work full-time, outside the home. I really believe that a lot of the reason that Ezra is so well adjusted and intelligent is that I've been able to stay home with him and foster his interests. Of course, the same week that I am getting my resume in order, he got sick and has been home the last two days, which brings up a host of other issues to address, like childcare.

So, the problem lays out like this: Is it worth what I view as a major sacrifice on the part of my husband and child for me to go work full time at a totally freaking badass job? I admit that I am bored in my current situation. But, Ezra will only be little for a little while longer, and I have like, 40 more years to work.

*sigh* Tough decision. I should also note: If I go for it, and they do offer me the job, I will almost certainly take it. It's a matter of do I toss my hat in the ring, knowing that I will take it if offered?