Chasing My Tail

So, I found a new Ob/Gyn that specializes in PCOS. I went to see her a few months ago, and she prescribed a mood drug called Lexapro. The hope was that the Lexapro would counteract the effects of the hormone imbalance and I would be able to go off the birth control pills without going crazy.

I took my first dose of Lexapro last Friday night. On Saturday I felt totally out of it, nervous, twitchy, and disconnected. Uh-huh, I thought. That could be normal. These things often take several days to adjust to. Saturday evening I decided to turn in early and took my second dose of Lexapro. An hour later I began having serious muscle jerks in my arms and legs that lasted all night and into the next day. Sunday I spoke to the doctor on call who instructed me to never take Lexapro again. All day Sunday I suffered muscle spasms, muscle tightening, muscle tremors, and was very zoned out and couldn't stay focused. I spent seven hours watching Star Wars on tv. Chris kept suggesting that I put in the dvds and not have to watch commercials, but I just didn't care.

So, Thursday I saw my Ob/Gyn and we discussed my severe reaction to the Lexapro. Since our last meeting, she had obtained and read all my prior medical records. So, the new trying-to-concieve (ttc) plan looks like this:

Step 1: Try as many mood drugs as it takes to find one that works
Step 2: Providing we find a mood stabalizer that works, stop birth control pills
Step 3: Begin Clomid
Step 4: Begin Progesterone (not orally) every cycle beginning cd (cycle day) 17 and up until I get my period
Step 5: If we actually manage to get pregnant, begin daily blood thinner shots of Lovenox. In the ass. With the blurning and bruising. For the entire freaking pregnancy.
Step 6: If we actually manage to get pregnant, stay on Progesterone through pregnancy week 12
Step 7: Hope that the pregnancy progresses healthily and all these drugs don't have a negative effect on me or the baby.

We've been through most of this so many times in the past three years, I've lost count. Clomid, progesterone, lovenox. I just don't think I can handle another round. But I just can't handle the heartbreak either.